...Recently someone posed this question to me. "Where do you see yourself in the next five years?" I was embarrassed. ACTUALLY embarrassed...I had no answer, I had no idea! Honestly? Really? Me? I am sure I sputtered something out, although now I have no idea what I actually said in response.
Sure, I know spiritually all the reasons I should have spouted off my incredible visions for the next five years? But I drew a blank, completely...my dreams? my future? the lofty dreams of my youth? they were crushed, first into little rocks, then pebbles, then gravel, sand and eventually dust in the wind that blew them out the door, along w/my future.
I have GRIEVED, the loss of the chance to be a "young" mother or wife, I have grieved the chance to be a mother period...I have grieved my future even ...I have worked very hard to focus on what I have here and now and this one simple question felt like it knocked the wind out of me. I couldnt stop thinking about it, I am sure I seemed distant that weekend, but it was all I could think about like a song in my head...dum,dum, dum "the next five years" ....I cant stop trying to imagine, the next 5 years, I cant stop trying to conjure up something, anything.....blank darkness invaded my psyche ...I prayed endlessly, surely this means I am not saved? Surely this has some correlation to the 70 weeks of Daniel and the book of Revelation? I have read, listened to everything I can get my hands on about having vision, sustaining visions......still.......what is wrong with me?
Sure, I have battled with feelings of inadequacy. I have sat in a group of women from my church and looked around thinking "wow, I dont even compare..I have nothing to offer...they are all so talented and blessed and have children and futures and LIVES" Someone recently told me, I am good only for being a servant...a donkey...God used a donkey only when necessary. Someone told me this blog was too transparent, I would be hurt, I was being too honest! I have been lied to, been lied about...been called viscious mean names.....given up, quit, failed.....me, dream?
All the while, God has been crushing, molding, stripping, making....recently 3 different times actually I taught in 3 different classes... and I didnt pass out....WHO KNEW?? I heard someone else repeating a description of "who" I was and was embarrassed at the high praise heaped upon me and my life.
I have people in my life who also build me and reassure me and in spite of me, love me....The Bible says in Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deffered maketh the heart sick...but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life" God works in mysterious ways, while I may not have the strength of others to dream. I do have the trust in God, to believe. I believe He is working for my good! I believe He has a higher purpose in mind! I believe He will give me grace to endure the race set before me! I believe just because I am single doesn't mean I am futureless or hopeless.
Faithfulness. That is my dream for the next 5 years! Faithfulness. If you are single, put your hand to the plow, get involved....work for God and no matter what this fickle life brings or doesn't bring, know this. Hebrews, Chapter 11 - says everything you need to know, read the whole chapter! FAITH=Faithfulness Hebrews 11:39-40 "And these all, having obtained a GOOD REPORT through faith, received not the promise: God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect"....continue reading into Hebrews 12.... what ? You think I should do all the work for you? LOL .......In 5 years I wanna hear "By Faith, Tracy"........Give me a good report of a life of faithfulness and I'll be just fine! WE, my single friends...will be just fine, come what may! Don't give up those dreams and visions just yet, just be faithful! God may have to change your desires, to match His will. But, in time your dreams will also adjust to fit His plans!
"Where do you see yourself in five years"?
I can't see myself, all's I can do is hope that I will be in the hands of God, and if possible, winning a race with Bishop on his front lawn. - K. Lohberger
ReplyDeleteHi Tray,
ReplyDeleteI really feel, after reading your post, that I want to encourage you to believe that all things are possible with God. Why should you even think about where you should be when are told to 'take no thought for tomorrow'. Never be negative about your future, knowing that our times are in God's hands, and He cares for us. Just keep seeking God through His word and try to do what you believe He is telling you to do. If you keep your mind upon Him He will keep you in perfect peace. I have trusted God when people have said things to me. Always, wotds that my father spoke to me when I was a child and my siblings and I used to argue. We would say to our father 'Dad, who is right?', and he would always say 'Let's see what the Lord says', and would always find a word in the Bible to settle the arguement. No matter what people say to us regarding our lives, if we seek the Lord He will direct our path and take away all fears. He knows the plans He has for you, and they are for your welfare.
God bless you
Brenda
Thank you for the kinds words and encouragement! I certainly need them ...I appreciate the wisdom contained in your comment as well, so so very true! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome. If you ever wish to read any of my testimonies of when God spoke to me through His word, you are welcome to read them at www.lighthousevision.blogspot.com
DeleteIn the meantime, keep trusting the Lord
.
Tray, I was asked the same thing In a Job application of all things. . . I looked at it for a long time and I wrote what I knew they wanted me to say, married with children. Then I was almost depressed about it for a week. But God knows the desires of our hearts. I just don't want to marry a man that doesn't love God like I love him and wont serve him like I serve him. My house shall be called the house of prayer, nothing but praises shall be sung in my home and I don't want it any other way! To find a man in this generation who will live for the Lord the way I am planning to until he comes to get us is the only real problem. There are almost 7 billion people in the world, I believe if I write up an order for a husband God will provide me that one lolol. Who knows Tray, maybe he's just taking his time making what he knows we want and need :) love you
ReplyDelete~Victoria