Failure to Thrive - Syndrome

Phill 4:11 & 19 ...."for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content".... "But my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory"

    Truthfully, I dont see how anyone single can be "content" in being alone, we were not designed to be alone in fact studies done on babies that are only "taken-care" of and not able to love and be loved in return, they simply die as a result of a "Failure to thrive".  But we can learn contentment in Christ and yet be divinely discontent.  Willing to follow where He leads, yet praying and communicating making your request known to him.  Isaiah 41:21 "produce your cause saith the Lord, bring forth your strong reasons" tell Him what you want in a mate, communicate your hearts desires, God cannot give you what you do not ask for. 

    I read a blog about crying being the only communication that babies have, they don't cry to manipulate, they simply cry to communicate their needs.  However, a baby will quickly learn if his cries are not responded to, the bond of trust with his parents will be broken and they will over time shut down, they will quit crying...parents may view this as having a good baby, who never cries.  But that same child, will grow up and have trust issues in relationships and with GOD, that will leave everyone scratching their heads, what happened to my perfect baby?  When your basic needs are not met and those who are God ordained to care for you, reject you, something inside of you dies ...sometimes don't you feel as if you have a syndrome related to the failure to thrive??

    This reminds me of Adam in the Garden of Eden, even he being the first human, recognized and communicated his need for companionship, not ever having known any other humans he KNEW he needed someone to be with.  Genesis 2:18 "The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone"  I heard a message preached by T.D. Jakes where he explains that ADOM or Adam was formed in the image and likeness of God; God is neither male nor female and Adam formed in his image was both..he was complete and whole in one being <male and female>....when God removed the "rib" from Adams side, he described how the translation of this act was simply that God was removing the female parts from within Adam and created Eve...we are literally NOT WHOLE without our perfect counterpart male/female.  This is why marriage and the bonds of sex are so powerful, when you come together in marriage, you are literally being put back into a state of wholeness.  That is what God intended each of us to experience in order to be like Him.

    HOWEVER as a side note of purity and commitment to God's commands to "Flee fornication" I recently read a study based on the power of touch and sexual intimacy.  There is no innocence in kissing and/or even holding hands....personally I recommend if you are just dating ~ wait until there is an engagement or promise to be married.  This study was written by a non-christian and she is a PH.D. who said our brains are designed to release the hormones oxytocin and dopamine during sexual relations in order to bond you with your partner, these are the same hormones released in women with their babies, that bonds mother/child.  However ANY sexual contact even in innocence such as holding hands, touching, kissing, hugging, releases these hormones and can & will bond you to that person and it makes "breaking" up with someone so extremely hard to do and can even cause you to marry the WRONG PERSON simply because you are bonded with someone that is entirely wrong for you and will spend a lifetime of regret and wondering how did this marriage turn out so badly??!!!  These two hormones are the same ones that are released during drug & alcohol usage and are the hormones that actually causes a person to be addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, sex ....it is no wonder our society is so messed up and hurting.  God's orders to wait until marriage are not to "deny" us anything, but rather to protect us from a lifetime of hurts, anger and disappointments!

    As singles however, our need for friends and other human contact is even more desperate because we may go days even months without ever receiving any type of physical contact.  This is even more dangerous for women as one of the very basic needs of a woman is meaningful touch...this need does not just apply to married women, however it is most often taught in context to a marital-sexual relationship, singles need non-sexual MEANINGFUL TOUCHES just as much.

  

    The other day a friend of mine leaned across the chair and patted me on the back as she was telling me something, I recoiled from the unfamiliar touch and yet inside I was instantly so in-tuned to what she was saying to me?? I started thinking how often do i automatically tune people out and really dont hear what they are saying to me, because I am so deficit of physical touch...it is very rare that anyone touches a single adult person.  It is extremely rare in today's society that anyone hugs you!  And if you are not careful you will begin to shut down and exhibit a "failure to thrive".  My new friend i have simply dubbed as the  "single-lady whisperer" lol...said to me, "come here, lets just sit down, I want to talk to you"....I didn't know what to say, I sheepishly followed, no one ever wants to just talk to me, hear from me, connect with me; sure if THEY have a need that I can meet, but this was new, this was simply friends communicating.  I didn't know how to react, my "crying-out" mechanism had been shut down, how do I do this??  She patted the seat next to her and simply said ..."lets talk" I could have cried and she had no idea....we connected!

    The danger of the "failure to thrive" syndrome is the more isolated that you become, the more your basic needs of human companionship and interaction are denied, the less you will be able to even connect with God.  Your heart becomes hardened and your sensitivity to God & others becomes impossible to feel.  Our church has a saying "Connecting to God, Connecting to Others, Connecting to Ministry"

    As a single adult, I feel I have been through all the stages of "long-term singleness" (<--- is that a term? lol ) depression, denial, withdrawal and recovery...I am here to tell you, your answer is ONLY in CHRIST.......and connecting to God, others & ministry!  

     I have mentioned this in a few of my facebook statuses, this past 4th of July I was invited to a BBQ, I was hesitant to even attend, I knew I would probably be one of a few singles in attendance.  But the gracious host herself was single and therefore I felt safe and decided to attend!  It turned out to be the best day of my life......at first it was just friends sitting around talking, laughing, soaking up the sun.  Then I noticed as we were talking someone would follow up another's comment, with a compliment.  If someone mentioned something, it was like "wow, you are really smart, how did you know about that" or "you are always so funny and expressive"  or "you are such a great story-teller" I started to watch as everyone in turned said nice things to each other.  We became more open, more willing to talk about our secrets and pain, more vulnerable as this was a sacred time, a circle of trust.  It started with simple compliments and turned into a time of ministering to each others needs, we all walked away feeling so much better about ourselves and our lives, our desires and ultimately our destiny.

    How many times, (have I?) do singles deny themselves of their "Best Days" because they are afraid of rejection and being the only single-outkast in the vast majority of married's.  I am here today to say, take the plunge, take the risk, reach out to someone today and compliment them with a kind word, pat on the back or sincere bear-hug...You don't know who has the power to meet your needs and change your life! 

     I truly believe the only way to break the curse of the "Failure to Thrive" syndrome is to "Connect to God, Connect to Others, Connect to Ministry"

p.s. - I have to thank my pastor & his wife for teaching me this extremely valuable lesson, even if it took them YEARS to get me to truly understand why! Thank God they have patience lol....