*Disclaimer - this blog is in no way designed to exhibit victim mentality. I didnt mean for anyone to "feel-sorry" for singles, but rather to incite singles to change their own mindset and raise awareness for everyone, on how we treat each other...we are all responsible for our own destiny with God!...thus today's blog addresses "Victim Mentality"
He has given me a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair. The Bible says in Habakkuk 3:18 (KJV), “Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation”.
Victim Mentality....
Just recently I was talking with someone who was expressing their anger, bitterness and disappointment over a failed relationship. I realized after several days of trying to be understanding and build their confidence back, that really... they didn't want to hear how this would pass and things would get better, they would move on...they just wanted someone to blame so "THEY" were not at fault...OHHHHH MAN did this ever get me to thinking ~ I HAVE SOOO DONE THIS BEFORE!!! As I got to taking inventory of my life and reactions to circumstances in it, I started to see a pattern of victim mentality ALL OVER MYSELF.....uhoh!
I realized how many singles have victim mentality and do not even realize it?? How many have victim mentality all over their lives and they dont recognize the incredibly damaging affects? It is so easy to fall into a mindset of victim mentality when you are single because, you face such a plethora of rejection, every where you turn. You try to be everything, to everyone, you think if you can be what someone else wants/needs maybe... just maybe that is the key to finding the ever elusive "one"!
For anyone struggling with rejection, depression, overcoming abuse, trauma and the resulting low self esteem from all that, this list doesn't help at all. This list won't get anyone closer to any solutions. It tells me what NOT to be without addressing the issue of HOW I got there in the first place.
I have spent years before I really faced my issues, just trying to BE positive; focusing on never having, doing or feeling any of the things on that list.
One of the most dangerous results from trying to change my attitude before I knew where it came from was that... I learned to take the blame; I learned to be accountable for the mistreatment that I was dealt. I adopted the “positive attitude” that I was responsible for my results, and therefore if I got treated like garbage, this backed up the idea; that it was my own fault!
That kind of accountability led me to believe what the abusers taught me in the first place; that I deserved it! I ended up in a serious and chronic series of depressions.
I realized in my process of emerging from broken into fullness and wholeness, that I had victim mentality all over the place in my life but not exactly the kind of victim mentality that is commonly understood.
Positive thinking was something that came in really handy and made a positive difference, AFTER I sorted out the foundation of the problem. When I understood "victim mentality" in this new way, I was able to sort things out from a different perspective which was a big key to overcoming the past hurts.
Keeping in mind that this is not an exercise in negative self talk or in adding shame or guilt to our already sensitive belief systems, simply an effort to help you overcome the past cycles and leading you to a NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!!!
Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time!
He has given me a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair. The Bible says in Habakkuk 3:18 (KJV), “Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation”.
Victim Mentality....
Just recently I was talking with someone who was expressing their anger, bitterness and disappointment over a failed relationship. I realized after several days of trying to be understanding and build their confidence back, that really... they didn't want to hear how this would pass and things would get better, they would move on...they just wanted someone to blame so "THEY" were not at fault...OHHHHH MAN did this ever get me to thinking ~ I HAVE SOOO DONE THIS BEFORE!!! As I got to taking inventory of my life and reactions to circumstances in it, I started to see a pattern of victim mentality ALL OVER MYSELF.....uhoh!
I realized how many singles have victim mentality and do not even realize it?? How many have victim mentality all over their lives and they dont recognize the incredibly damaging affects? It is so easy to fall into a mindset of victim mentality when you are single because, you face such a plethora of rejection, every where you turn. You try to be everything, to everyone, you think if you can be what someone else wants/needs maybe... just maybe that is the key to finding the ever elusive "one"!
It is believed by many that victim mentality is...
#1. Focusing on what you haven't got
#2. Waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen
#3. Finding excuses and blaming others
For anyone struggling with rejection, depression, overcoming abuse, trauma and the resulting low self esteem from all that, this list doesn't help at all. This list won't get anyone closer to any solutions. It tells me what NOT to be without addressing the issue of HOW I got there in the first place.
I have spent years before I really faced my issues, just trying to BE positive; focusing on never having, doing or feeling any of the things on that list.
One of the most dangerous results from trying to change my attitude before I knew where it came from was that... I learned to take the blame; I learned to be accountable for the mistreatment that I was dealt. I adopted the “positive attitude” that I was responsible for my results, and therefore if I got treated like garbage, this backed up the idea; that it was my own fault!
That kind of accountability led me to believe what the abusers taught me in the first place; that I deserved it! I ended up in a serious and chronic series of depressions.
I realized in my process of emerging from broken into fullness and wholeness, that I had victim mentality all over the place in my life but not exactly the kind of victim mentality that is commonly understood.
My understanding of victim mentality today is as follows...
#1. Believing that If someone doesn’t seem to like me, it is my fault. (and that it is up to me to make them like me)
#2. When someone says something nasty to me, I think that I have done something to offend them and that I did something to deserve the offensive treatment.
#3. Believing that if I try harder, the abuser will love me and stop hurting me emotionally, physically, spiritually or sexually. (accepting that being hurt by them is my fault, after all.)
#4. Believing that the success of the relationship with another person is totally up to me. Not realizing that I believe they can have boundaries, but I can't.
#5. Believing that love is something that I can earn by being who someone else wants me to be, and spending my energy trying to figure out who that is and spinning about just what they want me to do.
#6. Not considering my own feelings, hopes and dreams or that I can fulfill them; expecting them to be fulfilled by someone else~and doing all of the above to try and make that happen.
#7. One of the most important points of all… Victim mentality is when I think that I can’t make any changes unless THEY say that I can.
Keeping in mind that this is not an exercise in negative self talk or in adding shame or guilt to our already sensitive belief systems, simply an effort to help you overcome the past cycles and leading you to a NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!!!
Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time!
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